Baba

It is surprising to realize sometimes what a small dream can do to your conscience and the ultimate change it brings in to your perspective. It happened to me when I was calmly asleep one cold winter morning that I dreamt about my dad . .. my Baba. I dreamt him suffer a severe heart attack and I was completely helpless, I couldn’t get him the doctor or the medicine. When I woke up I was drenched in a cold sweat and it was impossible for me to go back to sleep then. I spent a couple of hours in absolute restlessness and around 8 am I called my mom. I wanted to speak to her first because somehow I couldn’t muster enough courage to talk to Baba directly. But surprisingly it was Baba who picked up the phone and greeted me with his usual jolly and enthusiastic words. What a gush of relief it was !
I had a routine talk with him for some time and later told him about my nightmare. I don’t know what happened then but tears came rolling down my eyes and my voice choked. I cried. And I cried like a baby. I had been living away from Baba and Aai since one and a half years. And it had pained me always that I could not be with them when they needed me the most. I couldn’t share the small moments of their lives which are so valuable for them. Often I used to have guilt prangs for not caring, being selfish and leaving the two of them to manage everything for themselves in the midst of their old age. All those emotions, thoughts and feelings came crashing to my heart and I felt I am letting them out through those tiny drops of water. Baba understood it. Completely. And to my tremendous relief, he said something that I will remember till i remember my name. He said “Don’t worry that you can’t be with us, we always feel your care even from the distance. More than anything, it’s your achievements away from home that make us happy and proud of you. We both love you and we will be happy only if you are happy there”. How lucky I felt to have a man like Baba as my father. I felt happy, I felt relieved and most important I felt all the guilt melt out of my conscience. Aai-Baba were genuinely happy and this simple realization would bring a smile on my face for days to come. It’s not that I don’t get worried for Aai-Baba now but somewhere I know that they are content there taking care of each other and thinking about me.