Tuesday, September 7, 2010

I Wonder . . . .

Sometimes I wonder . . are relations really meant for eternity ??? Am I really honest to my own emotions??? Which are my true emotions – the resentment i feel for my friend of 8 years even if she does something for good or the affection i had felt for her long ago even after she had hurt me with all her might.

Sometimes I do wonder . . can girls really make good friends ?? even after spending 8years together since the first day of college, I feel a stranger sharing my room, my bathroom, my clothes and even my bed. She is my room-mate for sharing my room, but she is a complete stranger for sharing my feelings.
In contrast I talk to a colleague in the office, we have known each other since just 2 months officially, but while chatting at the lunch table and making fun of each other, I feel we have known each other since ages.

I wonder . . is this going to last longer or is it just a fluke !!! Am I being honest to my feelings or am I searching for a solace or an assurance for my way of thinking. Is it real or is it virtual ??

At home, I fear to ask simple questions about food, laundry, her voice on the phone or the volume of the TV and I avoid discussion on subject even slightly important than electricity bills, paper bills and house rent while at office I can whole heartedly pass personal comments without being misunderstood or feeling guilty about it.
I wonder . . How do I evaluate this change, this contrast ?? How do relations take such a 180 degrees shift if they are meant for eternity ?? Am I responsible of the shift or am I just a pawn ?? Why do relations grow so deep if they have to go through such unexpected twists and turns ???

I wonder . . what should I take to the deeper parts of my memory - the fun and love we shared which now seems like a distant past or the present resentment, hatred or the indifference ???

I Wonder . . .
I really do wonder . . . !!!